The drugs don't work
by HedgeHunter
Summary: AU Dean turns to drugs when Sam leaves him again. One Shot.


-1The drugs don't work

By Hedgehunter

Warning: swearing, drug abuse, lots of angst

Rating :M

Summary: AU: Dean turns to drugs when Sam leaves him again. One Shot.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything and I don't profit from writing this stuff.

Set to "The drugs don't work" by The Verve (Richard Ashcroft) from the album Urban Hymns (1997).

A/N 1: This is the first piece I've put on mostly cos all my other stories are NC-17. And really mean that rating. When I finish a few other on a R rating I might post those too depending on how this goes down.

A/N 2: I wrote this in a quick burst to clear some writers block. So it's not edited yet, I might get to it in a few weeks. I haven't written it as character death though it could be.

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Dean sat at the window of another faceless shitty hotel and look out onto the sunlit beauty all around him. He snorted and continued preparing his next fix. Sam had left him. Another fight. But this time Dad had been there to make it four thousand times worse than it should have been. If Dad had just stayed the hell out of it. Sam wouldn't have walked further than the bus station before he turned around.

Facing a battle on three fronts wasn't in his best interests but that was what had happened.

Sam versus Dad, front one; peacemaker. Sam versus Dean, front two; older brother trying to get younger smartass brother a little closer to the line. Dean versus Dad; Sam had walked and it was Dad's fault so he'd lashed out. He didn't mean half the things he'd said but, that hadn't mattered. Dad had punched him and left him on the floor of that shitty motel, walked just like Sam straight out the damn door.

And that was it he was sitting on the floor. Sam gone. Dad gone. He was alone. He'd been so angry he had a five minute well 'fuck both of you' and then the reality of it all sank in.

_All this talk of getting old its getting me down my lord_

_Like a cat in a bag waiting to drown, This time I'm coming down_

_And I hope your thinking of me, as you lay down on your side_

_Now that drugs don't work they just make you worse but I know I'll see your face again_

_Now that drugs don't work they just make you worse but I know I'll see your face again_

The hit bubbled slightly as he held it over the candle in a silver spoon. It had been only a week and he was falling apart. That first night he'd gone and got fully loaded with alcohol but that hadn't even scratched the surface of his pain.

He had needed something more. Something complete to numb him completely from the world around him. Dad had taught him enough about drugs when he was growing, hell he'd had more pain Killers in a month than most people took in a year. He'd stumbled into the motel room. Pulled out the first aid kit and looked for something to numb him.

He took the Morphine vial from the kit and sat on the bedroom floor. Daring himself. He was so low he had even contemplated mixing every inject able in the whole first aid kit. Make sure the job was done. But what if Sam came back? What if his baby brother needed him? Sure he'd walked away without so much as a glance over his shoulder but maybe one day soon Sam would need Dean the way Dean needed Sam.

He pulled all the vial into a syringe and injected himself. He'd fallen into absolute bliss. Everything floated. He floated. The pain disappeared.

The next night he hadn't bothered to start drinking getting himself loaded on the last of the morphine. He'd woken up 10 hours later. The pain and loneliness stabbing his heart, his mind his very soul. He'd gone into the bad part of town and bought himself enough to keep him flying for the next week all thanks to one of his poker hustles.

_But I know I'm on a losing streak as I pass down my old street_

_And if you want a show then just let me know and I'll sing in your ear again_

_Now that drugs don't work they just make you worse but I know I'll see your face again_

Heroine wouldn't be his first choice. Hell he'd seen what the stuff could do to people in nearly every town he visited but it was the only thing that numbed the pain. And that was all that matter to Dean right then and there. Kill the pain before the pain kill's him.

_Cos baby oooo If heaven calls I'm coming too_

_Just like you say_

_You leave my life, I'm better off dead_

Sam hadn't called. He didn't need excuses but he had one anyway. He missed Sam so much he couldn't stand it. He loved his Dad but he didn't need him. Not the way he needed Sammy. He fallen into bed with one of the drug dealers girls. Any thing for some comfort. He couldn't even remember what happened. Loaded to fuck. His tolerance had impressed many but it all boiled down to one thing. The more he took the more he needed to get that warm, floating feeling. The more money he had to make. The more desperate he had become.

_All this talk of getting old it's getting me down my lord_

_Like a cat in a bag waiting to drown this time I'm coming down_

_Now that drugs don't work they just make you worse but I know I'll see your face again_

His body was wrecked with spasms. He hadn't eaten anything since, well he couldn't remember. And the pain was getting worse. The longer he lay there on the motel bed the more he wanted to just let go. The way his Dad, and Sam had let go of him. Cut loose. No one to protect. Sam didn't need him, he didn't think Sam had ever needed him the way that Dean needed Sam. He was so lonely.

_Cos baby oooooo If heaven calls I'm coming too_

_Just like you say_

_You leave my life, I'm better off dead_

_But if you want a show then just let me know and I'll sing ear again_

_Now that drugs don't work they just make you worse but I know I'll see your face again_

_Yeah I know I'll see your face again_

_Yeah I know I'll see your face again_

_Yeah I know I'll see your face again_

_Whoo lord Yeah I know I'll see your face again_

_Whoo lord Yeah I know I'll see your face again_

_Whoo lord_

In one of his fleeting straight moments he'd considered going to Stanford and making sure that Sam was alright. But then he realised in that world, college world with normal people Sam would always be safe, here with Dean he'd be in constant danger.

He should have left Sam there. He never should have brought him back. Glutton for punishment. It was almost worth getting his heart broken all over again to watch Sam sleep. Almost. No he couldn't stand it. His heart shattered into a thousand tiny shards all reflecting how pathetic he was. Veins pumped full of shit. All Alone and no one left to care.

He prepared himself a huge hit.

_Never coming down now, never coming down, no more, no more, no more, no more, no more _

_Never coming down now, never coming down, no more, no more, no more, no more, no more _

_Never coming down now, never coming down, no more, no more, no more, no more, no more _

_Never coming down now, never coming down, no more, no more, no more, no more, no more _

_Never coming down now, never coming down, no more, no more, no more, no more, no more _

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_A/N : Constructive criticism welcome._


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